Thursday, June 19, 2014

10 Things I will tell my future son about life

Still waiting for a blessing (yes, one is enough—several would be great though) that we can call our own. Should God think that we deserve a child then here are some things that I would tell our son. Yes, son. This is my blog. Shut up.

1.       Life is Unfair.

Some kid will have the latest Lebron basketball shoe while you won’t. Well, that is also because your dad is a Kobe fan. And also because I will tell you that it is not practical. Yes, that is just an excuse (my salary is just enough to buy you food so shut it—will paraphrase this, of course) but I hope that from this simple example, you will realize that we cannot always have everything in this world. That’s just the way the world turns. Do not be disappointed. It’s not you but it is just how things are. But this doesn’t mean that getting a lower grade (although you studied all night) as compared to that petiks classmate of yours should make you not study at all the next exams.  We make life fair. This will depend on your outlook in life and how you take things in stride. If you really think life is unfair then go do something about it. Change the way your life is going. We will support you all the way. Start a religion, please. Kidding.

2.       Never Expect.

This is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself—to expect. I always tell people to “hope for the best but expect the worst.” Do not hope for the best if you did not do your best in something. Of course, the worst will surely catch up with you. If you always expect, you will just be disappointed. Expecting to get that new toy on your birthday? Don’t. Wish and hope for it but don’t expect. If you don’t get it, you’ll only feel bad. If you actually get it without expecting it then that would just be pure joy. The unexpected is always better than the expected. So never, ever expect. Just hope.

3.       There is no Santa Claus.

I’m kidding. Of course I’ll tell my kid that there is a Santa Claus. And a tooth fairy. And the pulis who will catch him if he does something wrong. Oh, also the bumbay who will kidnap him. What nonsense. 

4.       Take Risks.

Go out on the muddy field with your new white shoes. Tell your crush that you like her. Don’t think 1 + 1 = 2? Tell your teacher. Your mom and I will be ready to go to the Principal’s Office the next day. But go for it. Wounds from playing basketball on the streets will heal. Moments like those, you cannot get back. Don’t just sit around and be an observer. Don’t wait for things to happen. Seize the day. Make things happen.
5.       Love your Mom.

There is no love greater than the love of a mother for her children. And there is no other thing that children should reciprocate more than the love of a mother. Spoil her with your hugs. Every day. Kiss her on the lips often. Make her cakes out of clay. Wash the dishes. Take out the garbage. Straighten out the bed sheets. Drive her to the hair salon. Okay, okay, sorry, those are my responsibilities. But yeah, shower her with hugs and kisses. All her frustrations about me will surely go away.

6.       Say “Thank you”, “Excuse Me” and “I’m Sorry” when needed.

I want you to be the most respectful kid on the block. When someone gives you candy, say “Thank You”. If your mom and I are talking and you need to say something, say “Excuse Me”. If you burped out loud, say "Excuse Me". When you accidentally knock over your glass of milk and spill it all over the dining table, say “I’m Sorry”. Those are three simple phrases that every human being should know and use every day. People will like you more too.

7.       Do not poop in your pants in school.

People remember. Your classmates will. I shit you not. Pun intended. Oh, you don’t know what a pun is yet. So do other people. But again, please, please don’t do the nasty on your shorts, pants or whatever in front of your classmates who will be your classmates probably until high school. I do not want my son to be known as “The Boy Who Cried Poop” or “Reynaldo (I’m sorry, wife!)? Oh, the shit guy from pre-school!” Please. THEY. WILL. REMEMBER. AND. NEVER. FORGET.

8.       Always be Curious.

Don’t be shy to ask questions. With these questions, you can find out information about the world and hopefully one day rule the world (okay, that’s too much. Sit down, child)! “Dad, is that a flashlight?” No, son, that is not a flashlight but it is something very important and you will realize that soon. But seriously, never be afraid to ask questions. Ask what that brown thing is. Don’t just reach out for it and eat it. Ask first. Always be curious. That is the best way to gain knowledge. AND…”Are we there yet?” is not a question, okay? AND more importantly…don’t be TOOOOO curious.

9.       Listen.

This is always important. Do not listen for the sake of listening and just because you already want to talk afterwards. When you are involved in a conversation, be there. Don’t think about lollipops, bubble gums or loom bands (please, please don’t) while someone is talking to you. Look the person in the eye and nod. Try to understand what that person is saying. As a kid, listen to everyone. Listen to the barber. Listen to all your teachers. Yes, even that teacher with a hith (sic). You can disprove all what has been told you all you want when you grow older but at this point in your life, you just need to listen.

10.   Have Fun.

Do not be too serious. Unless you want other people to be afraid of you. Assure them you will not shoot them or stab your parents (shit, that’s us). Go out and play. Friends are made outside of the house and not in front of your TV. Laugh. Run. Spill food on your shirt. Kick that cat (okay, don’t do that). Take it easy. You’re a kid, enjoy life. This will dictate the way you live your life. Be serious when you need to be serious. Yes, school is serious stuff. But it becomes serious when you get older. So for now, enjoy. Learn all the sports you can. Make friends with as many kids as you can. Life is meant to be enjoyed so don’t hold back. Enjoy it while you still don’t have responsibilities in life. Have fun.

Do I think our son will do and follow all these?

We can only hope.

We also hope to expect soon.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

8 hashtags I will never use (and here’s to hoping you won’t too)

All right, c’mon, guys. It’s just 140 characters (please Instagram and Facebook, lessen your word count too). 

Let’s make it right.

Overthinking (or underthinking—this should be a word) what hashtags to use just won’t cut it. You are not out to impress. Your simple mission is to share your views or whatever it is happening in your life to your friends and family.

Posting online for everyone to see is not the same as posting online to impress everyone. If that’s your deal then just run for president (does not follow though) or keep trying to make that viral video (maybe you’ll die).

Remember, friends and family members who follow you love you (we hope). No need to impress them with how much fun you’re having drinking or if you helped that lady cross the street AND how clever that hashtag is. We get it. We like you already. That’s why we added you or are following you. Don’t make us “unfollow” or unfriend you with those cringe-worthy hashtags.

Anyway, here are 8 hashtags that I will never use until the day I #die:


Hey, if you’re not sorry then people don’t care. They didn’t care in the first place. Putting that hashtag just makes them care even less. If you’re not sorry then why say you are in the first place? Make up your mind. #notsorry

Yes, we all know that we all only live once (unless vampires are real—we certainly hope not—RIP, Edward Cullen). And yes, we were all taught to make the most out of life. But jumping out of a running car while drunk? Hashtagging #yolo then jumping off your roof with an umbrella?! Yes, please don’t come back to the world or don’t reproduce, dude. #WeWishYouNeverLivedAtAll.

#ootd THEN #ootn

Yes, we all wear clothes (although sometimes we wish other don't). And yes, we see you wearing your clothes. And it’s okay to post your “Outfit of the Day” but also posting your “Outfit of the Night” in the same day is just pure arrogance and buffoonery. We’re sorry we wore the same clothes from morning till night. Maybe that’s because we all have jobs and are not busy asking dear daddy for money all day.


Although I have to tell you that I enjoyed looking at the pictures originating from this hashtag, it has come to an annoying point. Okay, your life is better than mine (yes, I am sour-graping)! Fine. Don’t rub it in. Oh, especially those who really weren’t in the island. What the hey, man? What gives? Just concentrate on working even harder so you can go next year.


Why? We ask you again. Why? Okay, why not, but we’re just saying WE won’t use this hashtag. Feel free to post yours.


Okay, then you’re the best photographer in the world. Get out of Instagram then and sell your photos to somebody who actually cares if you did use filter or not. Filters are there to be used and not to be “#nofilter-ed”. Give those filters some respect. Shame on you. Poor filters. They weren’t doing anything bad to you.


Well, yeah, you just said it. So…what is the hashtag for? Oh, you’re too afraid to tag the person the message is meant for. Hmm…#coward.


#seriously #really #unbelievable #comeon #noway #pfft #blek #etcetera #blahblahblah #runningout #whatnow #notreallymakingsenseanymore #thisisdifficult #cantbreathe #turningblue #fourmorewords #annoyingright #yousuck #pleasestop #now

#BoomPanes was seriously considered to be included in the list but I still want my friends to respect me.