Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year.

Every new year is a year to be thankful for. Every year that has passed, is also worth every ounce of gratitude. 

Thank you for wounds healed. Thank you for issues resolved. Thank you for misunderstandings understood. Thank your for fights forgiven and forgotten. Thank you for diseases cured. Thank you for deaths accepted and moved on from. Thank you for love reciprocated. Thank you for hugs returned. Thank you for kisses given back. Thank you for wishes granted. Thank you for lessons learned. 

The Lord is truly kind. Let us return His love for us everyday with a life worthy of God's love. 

The new year is here. A new us should be near.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I want that too...



Yes, I want to post an awesome pregnancy announcement on Facebook. 

I want to receive those words of "congratulations" when we post that first-ever ultrasound. 

I want those high fives and hugs from people. 

I want my wife and I to sit down on the front porch looking at baby names on the internet.

I want us to try our best to combine both our names into the baby's name. 

I want to say "Finally!" on my Twitter account. 

I want to decorate the spare room in the house into what we see in the movies. 

I want to go shopping for a crib and make sure that it blends well with the baby blue walls. 

I want to be asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?". 

I want to say "As long as the baby's normal then we are fine."

I want the wife to ask for a hard-to-find food. 

I want to go out of the house in the middle of the night to look for that food. 

I want to swap stories with my father friends and get tips on how to change diapers.

I want someone to inherit my Legos and basketball cards. 

I want people to stop asking.

I want to touch the tummy of my wife and feel the baby kicking inside. 

I want to hear the wife do baby talk while saying hello to the baby every morning. 

I want to stroll around the park holding the hand of the wife with the baby in tow. 

I want those sleepless nights. 

I want to come home from work and find that everything is going to be fine in my life. 

I want to pick out a cute Halloween costume for the little curly one.

I want to see if he'll get my eyes or my wife's lips. 

I want to put up our child's Christmas stockings.

I want to pretend I'm Santa Claus and sneak around the house with gifts.

I want a creative Christmas card family portrait.

I want to pick out godparents with my wife.

I want an awesome pregnancy photoshoot.

I want an even better baby pictorial.

I want to hear baby talk. 

I want to smell our baby's armpits. 

I want to throw awesome kiddie-themed parties. 

I want a slap on my face to wake me up on a Saturday morning (not from the wife). 

I'm really not asking for much, you see.

I just want that too.

But if that doesn't happen...

I want this too:)

Friday, November 14, 2014

I have a mistress...

Oo, may Kerida ako.

Nakakahiya man aminin pero kailangan malaman na ng lahat.

Nabubuhay ako sa mundo ng kasinungalingan. Mga siyam na taon na rin. Hindi ko ito pinagmamalaki o pinanglalandakan sa lahat pero hindi ako matatahimik hangga't hindi nalalaman ng mga taong malapit sa akin.

Ako, si Dinjo Constantino, ay namamangka sa dalawang ilog. Ako ay may kabit.

Hindi ito yung tipong affair na nagkatinginan lang kame ni Heart Evangelista sa isang bar eh feeling ko kame na. Private party kase yon at nagtataka siya kung sino ako. Eh kailangan ko mag-CR eh bakit ba?

Anyway, balik sa aking kerida. Ang pangalan niya, Yahoo Fantasy Basketball.


Oo, masama na kung masama, pero ito ang una kong chinecheck sa umaga pagkagising ko. Hindi kung buhay pa asawa ko (pero nagpapasalamat ako na buhay siya parati), hindi para maghilamos at tanggalin ang mga muta at panis na laway ko. Tinitingnan ko ang telepono ko para makita kung kamusta mga players ko. May natapilok ba? May sumabit na naman ba sa sex scandal at hindi makakalaro? Meron bang may sinampal sa Las Vegas? Yan ang mga tanong na laging nasa aking isipan. Hindi kung may natitira pa kayang tubig sa ref o kung naihi na naman ba ako sa kama. Kung si Rudy Gay ba ay umayos at naka-shoot ng 50% ng kanyang mga tinira. Kung supot ba ang laro ni Lebron kahit na hindi ko siya player. Extra na lang yon, hehe. #sorrynotsorry.

Inaamin ko, tinatago ko ang telepono ko sa asawa ko. Hindi dahil may nag-text na GRO saken, kundi natatakot ako na baka pagtawanan at sermunan na naman ako dahil basketball na naman. Madalas hindi ko nadadala ang basura sa labas dahil gusto kong malaman kung yung waiver claim ko ay umubra. Kung napalitan ko na ba yung hinayupak na Carlos Boozer na yon. Mas may silbi pa yata si Bonel Balingit pag siya ang naglaro sa NBA kesa sa walanghiyang Boozer na yan. Hindi naman counted sa stats tuwing sumisigaw ng "AND1!", pare. Pakshet na yon. Pero umookay na siya. Hehe.

Minsan natatawa ako sa sarili ko. Wala na talaga akong loyalty. Nanunood ako ng game pero nagchcheer ako sa parehong teams. Sabi dati ng officemate ko, "Kanino ka ba talaga kakampi?" Sabi ko, wala akong team, dun ako sa individual performances ng mga players sa team ko. There is no "I" in team sabi nila. Pero ako, may "mine" sa bawat team sa NBA, hehe. Pero Lakers talaga ako. Kahit na supot sila ngayon. Ayun, may sense of loyalty pa pala ako! Self Apir!

Lintik lang talaga kapag yung number one draft pick mo eh biglang nabalitaan mong na-injure niya ang kanyang ACL. Daig mo pa yung asawa mismo nung player sa sama ng loob mo. Isang araw kang hindi makausap. Parang binagsakan ka ng isang sakong bigas sa ulo mo habang ika'y nakahubad sa interview mo sa US Embassy. Ganon kasaklap. Mas masaklap pa kung samahan ng 0 out of 10 na shooting mula kay Damian Lillard! Tingnan naten kung makakain ka pa e hindi naman nakakain yung itlog na yon.

Alam kong konti lang makakaintindi saken. Konti lang kameng may mga kabit. Kahit sumumpa kame sa harap ng Diyos na isa lang ang mamahalin, talagang unexpected lang ang pagdating nito kaya sana 'wag niyo rin kame sisihin. Forgive us, Lord. Forgive us, wives.

Kahit na ang asawa ko ang good night kiss ko sa gabi, yung Yahoo Fantasy pa rin ang huling nasa isip ko. Sana bumalik na si Nick Young. Sana pasahan naman siya ni idol Kobe. Sana wala kameng lakad ni misis bukas para masubaybayan ko mga laro ng players ko.

Masama akong asawa, alam ko. Pero ibang pantasya toh. Pantasya ko. Kerida ko.

Sana maintindihan niyo rin ako. Sana manalo ako this week.



Monday, October 20, 2014

8 types of people you encounter when commuting

We’ve all encountered them one way or the other. Sometimes, they are us. Find out eight different kinds of commuter personalities here.


1. The Tsk-er.


There’s a heavy build-up of vehicles in front of your bus.

The lady beside you: Tsk.

The driver steps on the brakes abruptly and you and the other passengers almost trade faces with each other.

The lady beside you: Tsk.

It’s almost 9:30am and you’re still an hour away from where you work.

The lady beside you: Tsk.

Yes, we’ve all sat beside one. The man or woman who constantly looks at their watches and utters the word that does not end with anything positive—tsk. Yes, it evokes negativity. Yes, she should have woken up earlier. Yes, she should have taken the MRT (as if she won’t find something to “tsk about” there). There’s a commute back. Tsk.


2. The Crush


That pretty face. The face you always look for upon getting on the bus. The face you wish would say “hi” first to you. The face that you won’t mind sleeping beside you with her head on your shoulder. 

The one who looks like Christine Reyes. Your Bus Crush. The one who takes your tambucho breath away. The one who makes the coldest of buses warm. That person who always smells so fresh in the morning and even fresher going home. The one who confirms to you that you have a very, very…very sad life.


3. The Big Time


The person who loves Ninoy Aquino. It’s 7am and he pays for his fare with a 500 peso bill. And is not even apologetic about it. Because he’s big time. 

The konduktor scratches his head. What does Mr. Big Time do? Nope, he doesn’t say sorry. He shows his wallet that only has 1000 and 500 peso bills inside (he probably needs his barya for the extra tricycle ride to his office). Wow, big time. 

He is so rich that he does not have time to prepare his fare the previous night. He is probably playing cards with his amigos. Or at the cockpits. And yes, he does not care about the hard time that his 1000 peso bill will cause the konduktor. This is probably because he thinks “that’s his job anyway”. 

Yes, Mr. Big Time. With those fake Raybans and class A Nike shoulder bag. Big Time.


4. The Dreamer


Yes, the ones who apparently do not get enough sleep at night. They take advantage of the traffic (and your shoulder) and get some shut eye on buses (those who do this on jeepneys are people who should be given awards—the Buwis Buhay Award) without human regard for…uhm…other humans. 

These are the people you see with their mouths open. Perhaps even snoring. While you stress about the traffic and making it in the office on time, they are in a beach somewhere getting their tans on. Or they are by themselves eating lechon. Sometimes, they are in a rock concert, head-banging.


5. The Latecomer


They are borderline “Tsk-ers”. Always looking at their watches and cursing the traffic (yeah, so they curse a lot). It is also entertaining to see them once they alight from the buses or jeeps. They’re like rockets that have just been launched. They’re out the door as soon as it opens. Yes, you’ll check your pockets thinking that they’re snatchers. But they’re just late. For work, for an appointment, for an interview or for a date. Try matching their steps once they’ve hit the ground. Good luck. Suggest that you just watch from a distance. See how they weave through other commuters and those damn motorcycles. They’re late. Get out of their way!


6. The Here, There and Everywhere


There’s this person that you always see wherever you are. You go down in Ayala and he’s there. You ride a jeep along Shaw Boulevard, and he’s passing on your payment to the driver. You take the ferry to Puerto Galera and guess who’s sitting beside you?! There’s that one dude you always see anywhere you go. As in anywhere. Who are they?! Hopefully, not a snatcher. Or your real father.


7. The Storyteller


That noisy girl talking to her seatmate about her boyfriend who probably already broke up with her an hour earlier. That old lady who suddenly talks to her seatmate about her apo now working in Dubai. That annoying student trying to impress his classmates with jokes that are tasteless and not even close to funny. They exist. 

Sometimes their stories are interesting (nakita ko si sir kanina, may kasamang babae sa iStarbucks…). In every trip, they are there. Annoying everyone within an earshot (the whole bus, really). 

The Filipinos have a term for them—KSP. Yup, Kulang Sa Pansin. Or they’re just plain loud! We hope this article is as loud as them and that they can hear this!


8. The Singer/Songwriter


They’re the ones usually wearing earphones. Yup, the one belting out that new hit single of Taylor Swift. But he’s a guy. Most often, for some weird reason, it’s a man. 

Anyway, yeah, it’s the dude on your left who suddenly remembers how his high school English teacher broke his heart and forgetting that he’s in a public vehicle sings that Imelda Papin song. 

My favorites are those who invent the words to the song just for the sake of singing. “I decided long ago, never to walk in Edu Manzano!”  “I just can’t Taft Avenue!” (in a Michael Jackson tone).




Yes, commuting, although as stressful as your relatives asking you when you’re going to get married in every party, is also enjoyable and entertaining. 

Thank you to all the characters above for somewhat making traffic bearable instead of horrible.

But more importantly, which among those are you?:)

Thursday, August 14, 2014

How many lives have you touched?

Dealing with the passing away of very important people in your life is always very difficult.

Two friends from the office lost their mom and dad this week. Memories of how my mother-in-law passed away a year ago came rushing back. I can only imagine the pain and heartbreak that my office mates and my wife (yes, she's still grieving--and I don't think you will ever get over losing a parent, especially your mom) are experiencing right now.

During one of the sermons in one of the wakes I attended this week, a very important question popped up in my head. Actually, more of a realization than a question.

How many lives have I touched so far?

Listening to stories and testimonies from relatives and friends of the deceased parents of my colleagues and hearing how simple gestures of kindness made big impacts in their lives made me think about my life in general.

Have I just cruised along? Have I been a selfish little prick who have just cared about myself without giving a care in the world for the people around me?

Did I ever bother to sacrifice my own convenience for the sake of serving my loved ones or even those people I regularly interact with?

Have I made someone smile or laugh without even knowing that he/she needed to laugh at that exact moment because he/she is going through something that I and everyone didn't know?

That intern we had. Did I guide him correctly on what path to take or just simply passed him by everyday without saying a word to him?

Did I show any kindness to that waiter who accidentally spilled the soda on our table or did I berate him in public to the point that he thought he was no good and just stopped working and could now be a cellphone snatcher?

When my mom wanted to reach out to me about something bothering her, did I dismiss her and go on with what I was doing which was just browsing Facebook on my phone?

Did I make moments with the people important to me count or did I count the time until I got out of conversations with them?

I hope not.

I really hope not.

I believe that we all need to be genuinely kind people. Is that such a hard thing to do? To be considerate of others and to plant a seed within everyone we meet that can grow into a wonderful relationship.

It would be great if we found out the positive effect we have/had on other people's lives while we are still alive, don't you think?

So, let me ask you--how many lives have you touched?






Friday, August 8, 2014

8 things to do when stuck in traffic

Horrible. That’s the only way to describe it.

It is said that the Philippines loses some P140 billion a year because of traffic. Imagine that. Add to this the money being stolen from us by our elected government officials and what do we have? Carmageddon. God-damn Carmageddon.

So anyway, here are some suggestions on what you can do while stuck in the parking lot we call Manila.

1. Order take-out.

You’ve been on the road for two hours and your last meal was that pork adobo your boss didn’t want to eat. Your stomach is grumbling and everyone you see on the road or on the bus or jeep looks and smells like Chicken Joy (no #ChickenSad here). What to do? What to do? Why not order take-out?! If the operator asks you where your address is, just say EDSA corner Ayala then give your plate number. If on a public transportation, better! Order the barkada meals! They’re cheaper too!

2. Traffic-dial your ex.

You: Eve…I still love you. I never stopped loving you. Take me back. Please take me back. Did you hear it? I requested our song on the radio. The DJ said I was sweet. Justin Bieber really rocks, baby. Please. Let’s get back together. What happened to Ricky and me was a one-time thing. I promise. I love you!

3. Get to know the person beside you.

Get over his smell first then just get to know him. Maybe he’s a relative and he can pay for your fare. Maybe he can be a future business partner (soap industry, hopefully).  If you’re a guy then you’re beside a hot chick, then why not ask her how old she is, what province she’s from and what time her off is (oops, wrong venue). Anyway, it’s fun to get to know people. You’d do that in a bar, why not do it on a bus or a jeep. If you get to talk to a snatcher then hopefully he’d spare your phone and wallet.

4. Go crazy on social media.

Tag @mmda, @skywaysomco, @pnoyatbalut (I totally made this up) and all those other government Twitter accounts and rant your fingers out! We know @mmda replies and @skywaysomco doesn’t. Go on Facebook. Announce to all your friends that you’re stuck (stucked is not a word, guys, so please) in traffic and are willing to evaluate all their game requests. Oh, oh, oh, better yet, bombard those who usually send you game requests with your own game requests! Give them a taste of their own medicine.

5. Read a book.

Studies over the past few years have actually shown that you can read a book WHILE driving along EDSA. Yes, traffic is THAT slow. And yes, coming up with solutions to the traffic problem have been THAT slow too.

6. Request a song on the radio.

Yes, you can amuse yourself even more! Why not go back to highschool and call that radio DJ up. Quit Playing Games With Your Heart, man. Because Baby, Baby, Baby, oh! Call Her Maybe? Coz You’re Gonna Be Royal. That was pathetic. Anyway, you get the picture. Request a song that you can sing your lungs out to. When in your own car, okay? Not on the bus, please. I ride the bus. Please.

7. Walk.

When all else fails, walk. At least when walking, you’re moving. You’ll probably reach your destination faster by walking rather than waiting for the car in front of you move an inch. People didn’t have cars during the olden days anyway. We all were just meant to walk. Like government officials were all meant to solve the horrible traffic in the country. Oh well.

8. If in Quezon City, have sex.


This is self-explanatory and very much recommended.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

State of the Fashion Address 2014



The Filipino is worth dressing up for.




What a shame.

After sending three senators to "jail" recently for crimes against poverty, we all witnessed another flaunting of wealth by our dear politicians this time as they embarked on a fashion show amidst the State of the Nation Address of our also dear president.

Sure, let the usual problems our nation has been experiencing take a backseat and let's all focus on what's really important--what our beloved "public servants" are wearing.

 I don't recall Malacanang inviting anyone to any ball. Hmm...and we bet most politicians (and their wives) were all "Oh my! The State of the Nation Address is coming! What will I wear? What will I wear?!". And yes, in an annoying Kris Aquino voice.

Here are some observations on the event and some notable outfits that should have probably been traded for sacks of rice or outfits that would have been appropriate if every Filipino actually ate three meals a day:



Hey, look who graced the event with no fanfare and no escort (we all know where his knight in Panday armor his)?! Was this the back entrance? So both husband and wife are now doing back entrances (get it? since he's in jail and if he drops the soap...oh nevermind...)?


Imelda Marcos: Let me see how f*#cked up this country is after my family stole billions from the people...aaaaand maybe I'll see Kris cry.


Assunta De Rossi: The people only see me once a year. Better make this worth their while!

Assunta again made her 15 seconds of fame a year appearance.

Don't you guys miss her?


Wouldn't it be awesome if we see Cynthia Villar don a dress made out of the recycled materials that she has been championing in Las Pinas?

But that means work for her staff so maybe she'll just have it made again next year.


We also saw Lito Lapid rushing through the red carpet when he saw that there was a CNN camera crew about to interview him.


Some wished they'd worn pajamas.



Pia Cayetano was again stunning. 

In both her dresses (really, girls?! two dresses?!).


Oh, and then there was Heart Evangelista. That dress and that face and that everything was just perfect. Really makes you wonder why she's dating Herbert Bautista's younger brother. And why were they there, Hero is not a politician and...huh? What? Who? Ohhh...that was Chiz Escudero all along...(down boy...down boy...).


And wow, look at former sexy star Sheila Ysrael with her husband who can't say their family name properly (Dan Pernandez)! Has she aged beautifully. Wow. Just wow. Ferpect.


That Kris Aquino gown.

Was she channeling Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games?

Ironically, there ARE a lot of people dying from hunger in the country.

THAT should make her cry too.


Last but definitely not the least.

We would like to apologize to Princess Fiona of Shrek fame for being dragged into this senseless fashion extravagance called the State of the Nation Address.


C'mon, guys.

Stop this nonsense.




*Photos not mine.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Why I will make Manny Pacquiao the first pick in the upcoming PBA Draft



I used to like Manny Pacquiao.

This was before he ran for congress (I liked him even more actually when he lost the first time). I liked him when he was just a boxer. When he was a former kargador from General Santos City in Mindanao who made it big just by working hard at honing his boxing skills. When Pacman would lower the crime rate in the country just by beating up his opponent inside the boxing ring.

I liked him then.

Then his advisers took over his life.

But don't get me wrong. I still cheer for him when he is inside the boxing ring. Outside the ring is a different story though.

Here are some reasons why I would draft Manny Pacquiao number one in the upcoming Philippine Basketball Association rookie draft:


1. To  teach him a lesson.

That not everything in life can be bought by money. That we have to earn what we want and what we deserve (and I know he knows this already based on where he is now). That there are many less-privileged children who have dreams of also helping out their families by making it to the PBA. 

That, like him, these kids also dedicate their lives to be better basketball players and that these kids have hopes of bringing their respective little brothers and sisters out of poverty. Hopefully they don't get disillusioned and think that the PBA is now just for the privileged.

Also so the likes of Jason Castro and LA Tenorio (actually even a Pamboy Raymundo) can embarrass the Nike shoes out of him by breaking his ankles with a nasty cross-over. Maybe Mark Barroca can trade faces with him diving for a loose ball (though people would not really know the difference).

Maybe, just maybe, he will reconsider.


2. To teach the PBA a lesson.

We know that their number one priority is to earn money. For sure having Manny Pacquiao inside arenas will draw thousands of people to watch the games again. But is the PBA ready for true fans to stop watching and supporting the league?

Yes, Pacquiao trying his best to drive through the lane will surely be a spectacle but what happens when he gets body checked by Asi Taulava? Can you imagine Beau Belga posting up on "The Mexicutioner"? Although he can exchange elbows for rice, his face would be demolished if a Belga elbow hits him (insert video of the Marquez fight here). Maybe even worse than any of his cuts from boxing.

If Rep. Manny Pacquiao plays in the PBA, they will be a laughing stock in the basketball world. Yup, just like the Mick Pennisi flop. Or when The Living Legend Robert Jaworski ran and won a seat in the Senate. Okay, sorry about that. Or am I?

Are league officials willing to give up being the country's premier basketball league? If they were the now-defunct but almost-worked MBA (Metropolitan Basketball Association), then I would understand. Free Three!!!

But this is the PBA. This is what every young Filipino wanted to be (I think even Vice Ganda!) a part of. That is where we all wanted to be. The times we all imagined hitting that game winner in our own garages. That was the PBA Dream.

What a travesty this would be if this happened. Oh, yeah, this IS happening.


3. To teach KIA a lesson.

That not everything or everyone popular is good for business.

Let Globalport (owners of the first pick) draft Pacquiao. What would happen? KIA would do everything they can to get him. He is their head coach anyway, right? Unless he can play for one team then coach for another. That would be so awesome and amusing at the same time.

Offer two future first round picks for him? Maybe even offer money. The possibilities are endless. Your move, PBA. Your move.

Imagine trusting your brand (yes, not just the team) to an inexperienced basketball coach. Not a good move for the brand. But that's just me. He's Manny Pacquiao anyway. By all means.


4. To teach PBA fans a lesson.

Guys, seriously, we can't be happy about this. Think of all your sacrifices just to send your sons (and daughters) to all those basketball clinics. Then someone who does not (based on video footage and general knowledge) even have half the talent of your own son just come in and declare that he is joining the ranks of the most elite basketball players in the country just because he can afford to? That is just not right. Even bordering disrespectful especially to those who trained hard and sacrificed a lot just so they can play in the PBA.

Are you okay seeing our Pambansang Kamao embarrassed on national TV (actually, on international television! Hello, ESPN!)? Hasn't he embarrassed us enough with his singing? Manny, please don't do this to yourself and to your countrymen. But fine, if this is also YOUR dream, then go. That's why I will make you "The Number One Draft Pick for the 2015 PBA Draft."

I used to love the PBA. We'll see.


5. So there will be more Mommy D sightings.

Maybe she can do her voodoo antics on the referees or on the commissioner who allowed her son to be embarrassed and for everyone to see. Maybe she can also ask her son to retire. Maybe she can do a dance number during halftime.

Who here votes Mommy Dionisia to be the muse of KIA? I thought so.


That about sums that up.


If Manny withdraws from the draft, there's always Bobby.


Nalintikan na.








Thursday, June 19, 2014

10 Things I will tell my future son about life


Still waiting for a blessing (yes, one is enough—several would be great though) that we can call our own. Should God think that we deserve a child then here are some things that I would tell our son. Yes, son. This is my blog. Shut up.

1.       Life is Unfair.

Some kid will have the latest Lebron basketball shoe while you won’t. Well, that is also because your dad is a Kobe fan. And also because I will tell you that it is not practical. Yes, that is just an excuse (my salary is just enough to buy you food so shut it—will paraphrase this, of course) but I hope that from this simple example, you will realize that we cannot always have everything in this world. That’s just the way the world turns. Do not be disappointed. It’s not you but it is just how things are. But this doesn’t mean that getting a lower grade (although you studied all night) as compared to that petiks classmate of yours should make you not study at all the next exams.  We make life fair. This will depend on your outlook in life and how you take things in stride. If you really think life is unfair then go do something about it. Change the way your life is going. We will support you all the way. Start a religion, please. Kidding.

2.       Never Expect.

This is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself—to expect. I always tell people to “hope for the best but expect the worst.” Do not hope for the best if you did not do your best in something. Of course, the worst will surely catch up with you. If you always expect, you will just be disappointed. Expecting to get that new toy on your birthday? Don’t. Wish and hope for it but don’t expect. If you don’t get it, you’ll only feel bad. If you actually get it without expecting it then that would just be pure joy. The unexpected is always better than the expected. So never, ever expect. Just hope.

3.       There is no Santa Claus.

I’m kidding. Of course I’ll tell my kid that there is a Santa Claus. And a tooth fairy. And the pulis who will catch him if he does something wrong. Oh, also the bumbay who will kidnap him. What nonsense. 

4.       Take Risks.

Go out on the muddy field with your new white shoes. Tell your crush that you like her. Don’t think 1 + 1 = 2? Tell your teacher. Your mom and I will be ready to go to the Principal’s Office the next day. But go for it. Wounds from playing basketball on the streets will heal. Moments like those, you cannot get back. Don’t just sit around and be an observer. Don’t wait for things to happen. Seize the day. Make things happen.
  
5.       Love your Mom.

There is no love greater than the love of a mother for her children. And there is no other thing that children should reciprocate more than the love of a mother. Spoil her with your hugs. Every day. Kiss her on the lips often. Make her cakes out of clay. Wash the dishes. Take out the garbage. Straighten out the bed sheets. Drive her to the hair salon. Okay, okay, sorry, those are my responsibilities. But yeah, shower her with hugs and kisses. All her frustrations about me will surely go away.

6.       Say “Thank you”, “Excuse Me” and “I’m Sorry” when needed.

I want you to be the most respectful kid on the block. When someone gives you candy, say “Thank You”. If your mom and I are talking and you need to say something, say “Excuse Me”. If you burped out loud, say "Excuse Me". When you accidentally knock over your glass of milk and spill it all over the dining table, say “I’m Sorry”. Those are three simple phrases that every human being should know and use every day. People will like you more too.

7.       Do not poop in your pants in school.

People remember. Your classmates will. I shit you not. Pun intended. Oh, you don’t know what a pun is yet. So do other people. But again, please, please don’t do the nasty on your shorts, pants or whatever in front of your classmates who will be your classmates probably until high school. I do not want my son to be known as “The Boy Who Cried Poop” or “Reynaldo (I’m sorry, wife!)? Oh, the shit guy from pre-school!” Please. THEY. WILL. REMEMBER. AND. NEVER. FORGET.

8.       Always be Curious.

Don’t be shy to ask questions. With these questions, you can find out information about the world and hopefully one day rule the world (okay, that’s too much. Sit down, child)! “Dad, is that a flashlight?” No, son, that is not a flashlight but it is something very important and you will realize that soon. But seriously, never be afraid to ask questions. Ask what that brown thing is. Don’t just reach out for it and eat it. Ask first. Always be curious. That is the best way to gain knowledge. AND…”Are we there yet?” is not a question, okay? AND more importantly…don’t be TOOOOO curious.

9.       Listen.

This is always important. Do not listen for the sake of listening and just because you already want to talk afterwards. When you are involved in a conversation, be there. Don’t think about lollipops, bubble gums or loom bands (please, please don’t) while someone is talking to you. Look the person in the eye and nod. Try to understand what that person is saying. As a kid, listen to everyone. Listen to the barber. Listen to all your teachers. Yes, even that teacher with a hith (sic). You can disprove all what has been told you all you want when you grow older but at this point in your life, you just need to listen.

10.   Have Fun.

Do not be too serious. Unless you want other people to be afraid of you. Assure them you will not shoot them or stab your parents (shit, that’s us). Go out and play. Friends are made outside of the house and not in front of your TV. Laugh. Run. Spill food on your shirt. Kick that cat (okay, don’t do that). Take it easy. You’re a kid, enjoy life. This will dictate the way you live your life. Be serious when you need to be serious. Yes, school is serious stuff. But it becomes serious when you get older. So for now, enjoy. Learn all the sports you can. Make friends with as many kids as you can. Life is meant to be enjoyed so don’t hold back. Enjoy it while you still don’t have responsibilities in life. Have fun.

Do I think our son will do and follow all these?

We can only hope.

We also hope to expect soon.






Tuesday, June 3, 2014

8 hashtags I will never use (and here’s to hoping you won’t too)

All right, c’mon, guys. It’s just 140 characters (please Instagram and Facebook, lessen your word count too). 

Let’s make it right.

Overthinking (or underthinking—this should be a word) what hashtags to use just won’t cut it. You are not out to impress. Your simple mission is to share your views or whatever it is happening in your life to your friends and family.

Posting online for everyone to see is not the same as posting online to impress everyone. If that’s your deal then just run for president (does not follow though) or keep trying to make that viral video (maybe you’ll die).

Remember, friends and family members who follow you love you (we hope). No need to impress them with how much fun you’re having drinking or if you helped that lady cross the street AND how clever that hashtag is. We get it. We like you already. That’s why we added you or are following you. Don’t make us “unfollow” or unfriend you with those cringe-worthy hashtags.

Anyway, here are 8 hashtags that I will never use until the day I #die:

 #sorrynotsorry

Hey, if you’re not sorry then people don’t care. They didn’t care in the first place. Putting that hashtag just makes them care even less. If you’re not sorry then why say you are in the first place? Make up your mind. #notsorry
2.       
#yolo

Yes, we all know that we all only live once (unless vampires are real—we certainly hope not—RIP, Edward Cullen). And yes, we were all taught to make the most out of life. But jumping out of a running car while drunk? Hashtagging #yolo then jumping off your roof with an umbrella?! Yes, please don’t come back to the world or don’t reproduce, dude. #WeWishYouNeverLivedAtAll.

#ootd THEN #ootn

Yes, we all wear clothes (although sometimes we wish other don't). And yes, we see you wearing your clothes. And it’s okay to post your “Outfit of the Day” but also posting your “Outfit of the Night” in the same day is just pure arrogance and buffoonery. We’re sorry we wore the same clothes from morning till night. Maybe that’s because we all have jobs and are not busy asking dear daddy for money all day.

#LaBoracay

Although I have to tell you that I enjoyed looking at the pictures originating from this hashtag, it has come to an annoying point. Okay, your life is better than mine (yes, I am sour-graping)! Fine. Don’t rub it in. Oh, especially those who really weren’t in the island. What the hey, man? What gives? Just concentrate on working even harder so you can go next year.

 #aftersexselfie

Why? We ask you again. Why? Okay, why not, but we’re just saying WE won’t use this hashtag. Feel free to post yours.

 #nofilter

Okay, then you’re the best photographer in the world. Get out of Instagram then and sell your photos to somebody who actually cares if you did use filter or not. Filters are there to be used and not to be “#nofilter-ed”. Give those filters some respect. Shame on you. Poor filters. They weren’t doing anything bad to you.

 #justsaying

Well, yeah, you just said it. So…what is the hashtag for? Oh, you’re too afraid to tag the person the message is meant for. Hmm…#coward.

#20hashtagsinonepost

#seriously #really #unbelievable #comeon #noway #pfft #blek #etcetera #blahblahblah #runningout #whatnow #notreallymakingsenseanymore #thisisdifficult #cantbreathe #turningblue #fourmorewords #annoyingright #yousuck #pleasestop #now



#BoomPanes was seriously considered to be included in the list but I still want my friends to respect me.